You Are Not Good Enough

You are not good enough. Doesn't seem nice of me to say, but I know you have that phrase on repeat in your head.      It's lurking in the shadows of my mind also and these past few weeks I have noticed that I am not alone.

I can trace it's prominence back to the beginning of motherhood, all the advice from those (who actually did not have kids)  on how to solve my problems and prevent permanently sabotaging my child's psyche (I have played the future counseling sessions out in my mind tracing it all back to me, then their wives subsequently uttering curses to my name. Yup. That's pretty much how it goes). Then I started homeschooling. Let me tell you it is no fun going to meetings where every other mother has angelic children and yours are touching EVERYTHING!

    "You are not good enough" (add ominous echo, because sometimes your head likes to be creative even when tearing you down).

     Now this is not unique to women, as clearly noted above, men have issues also (most tracing back to their mothers).

"I'm in a shame spiral!"    
                    ~Stuart Smalley

Recently I saw the movie Mom's Night Out with a bunch of women. The main character is stuck in a "shame spiral" constantly berating herself for not being good enough until eventually becoming "stress paralyzed".

Afterwards one of the women I had viewed the movie with confessed to me how much the main characters' situation resonated with her (phew, I am not alone). Why do we fall victim to the false expectations of others? Who are we trying to be good enough for? (likely it's your mothers' fault but for laughs let's move on)

Comparing is a basic skill that begins with the classic apples versus oranges. As we grow this matures into comparing to others. Marketers feed off our innate gravitation toward scrutinizing ourselves, thus the incredible success of horrific products as the Shake Weight, Cami Secret, and Booty Pop. (If you have never heard of the Booty Pop I highly recommend viewing the infomercial on You Tube. It is a guaranteed laugh-your-socks-off affair).

"Compare and despair."
 
~Stuart Smalley

Seriously though, we are CONSTANTLY stacking ourselves against others. This is something you need to change. Just this week I had two clients working in a small group. Both are around the same age. Client A is known as a tough, hardcore exerciser and she truly lives up to that reputation. Client B is shy when it comes to strength but in a matter of a couple months is performing moves with the kettlebell she never dreamed possible. So here they are, both sweating their butts off at a challenging workout when client B says to client A, "It makes me feel better to see you having a tough time with this".

WHAT???? (this is where my bubble pops)

You see the entire time client B was beating herself down I was beaming with pride over how someone, who just two months ago had low conditioning, was making it through a cardio intense routine beautifully!

"Trace it, face it, and erase it"

~Stuart Smalley

  Client B had to be reminded that she can compare herself ONLY to her past self. If you struggle with this, as most of us do, create a training log so you can track your progress. Then when you are tempted to contrast yourself with someone else, open it up and view your accomplishments. (If you need help, I most certainly can set a log up for you just personal message me). It is important to keep in mind that each of us has a different starting point, different ways our bodies have reacted to life, and different goals so you can't get discouraged that someone is at a different point than you.

If your goal is to do a pull up but Sexy Sally is busting them out like crazy, then get to that bar and work your way to doing that pull up! When you have achieved your goal, stand back. Smile. Throw a party, then get working on the next goal. And remember, no one is perfect. While you are busy being jealous of Sexy Sally she is beating herself down for something else. We all have our flaws.

    So let's practice. Now turn towards the mirror and repeat Stuart Smally:" Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it people like me!"

*Note: if you are unfamiliar with Stuart Smalley he is a fictional character from Saturday Night Live in the '90s. Yes I am dating myself.
I'm okay with that.